You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize