So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
