census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize