Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
