How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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