I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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