there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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