i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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