dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize