you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
