I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
