did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
