he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
