I didn't shave. On purpose
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
