I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
