love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
