Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
