I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
