You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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