Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I need moral support for this bender
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
