it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
