i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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