This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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