I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Randomize
