Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My first STD was from a foam party
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
