Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
