i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
