I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize