there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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