Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
