Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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