Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
