I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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