Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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