But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
