I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
