At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
