oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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