i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
