yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
