My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You pole danced in your parka.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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