Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
