so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
