we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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