Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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