Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
