he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
