i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
