"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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