Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
