so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
