i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize