please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
