im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
