I CAN MOONWALK!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize