Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
