Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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