i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
