OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there was a trapeze. enough said
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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