i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
