i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
