I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize