Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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