If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
