Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
