She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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