just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
