I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
