How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
