so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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