also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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