I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
